Work was ok today. better then other days. after work i picked up a little cake of the woman i live with and took it home for HER. can you tell I'm mad?
my sister hits me up today to see what I'm doing this weekend. i told her nothing. then i think to myself (wait can't go visit her or even invite her over) the "Wife" will be upset. My sister lives about 45 minutes away and i see her...it feels like once a year. i felt bad this past weekend because my sister's roommate that I've known forever tells me you need to visit more often your like a stranger. it's true i haven't gone to visit them in a while. so whats new....
The "wife's" daughter isn't here this weekend she goes with her father. if i did go out she'd be home by herself and probably would give me an attitude because i was thinking about leaving her by herself. I'm trapped either way and I'm angry I'm fucking angry and i don't know what to do. I'll just deal with it.
over this past year I've grown up and have been dealing with bullshit from all angles from everyone. I'm more mature and i deal with situations as an Adult. but then again....i do make it all about me or WAIT i do complain like a bitch all the time. my bad!
i feel...
like yelling out loud and crying at the same time. squeezing my fists tight and my eyes even tighter. drop to my knees, lean over and put my forehead to the ground and scream louder. i need a vacation from everything and everyone. yes i made my mistakes and i HAVE to deal with em everyday for the rest of my life and that's really scary.
well I'm signing out....peace to all you PeOple
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Fuckin' Friday
I've been running around non-stop at work today. Helping everyone because i feel like i'm the only one ever doing shit. Mean time,
my mother is down here for a show on Broadway my sister and i are taking her. i think it will be exciting. so all day tomorrow i will be chillin' in new york. How fun.... talked to my father today what a bummer. he's been Golfing and waiting for work with my Uncle. I feel sad because he's alone and not doing anything. While my mother is doing anything and everything possible. she's moving up in life.
i have been thinking about my family. i block them out of my life. i dont care for them or maybe i am tired of the bullshit and worrying about them. sad but it's true...i'm not the only one going through this though. there are tons of families like mine and worse. i could have it worse but im glad i live in Jersey away from everyone i know. i do love my life at times but other times i hate it. i have to keep reminding myself everything will be ok and i will survive.
i am thankful that i'm still here. anyways im about to OUTTTTTTTTTTT of my job. so peace out MoFo's
my mother is down here for a show on Broadway my sister and i are taking her. i think it will be exciting. so all day tomorrow i will be chillin' in new york. How fun.... talked to my father today what a bummer. he's been Golfing and waiting for work with my Uncle. I feel sad because he's alone and not doing anything. While my mother is doing anything and everything possible. she's moving up in life.
i have been thinking about my family. i block them out of my life. i dont care for them or maybe i am tired of the bullshit and worrying about them. sad but it's true...i'm not the only one going through this though. there are tons of families like mine and worse. i could have it worse but im glad i live in Jersey away from everyone i know. i do love my life at times but other times i hate it. i have to keep reminding myself everything will be ok and i will survive.
i am thankful that i'm still here. anyways im about to OUTTTTTTTTTTT of my job. so peace out MoFo's
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Angry Sunday
Ok so here it goes.
I'm at Target today getting shit for the house and food for the needy. I get this call from "the Wife" asking me who i have been texting and talking to. Here we go AGAIN! I told her the truth. Guess what? she didn't believe me. i stay calm and continue on with what i needed to get. called her again asking her what's the deal. she gets on me because i wanted to go to my sisters house but really wanted to go somewhere else. Listen if i tell you im going to my sisters house IM FUCKING GOING.
Didn't go last night though because she wasn't feeling well and i would've been "inconsiderate". Thanks for staying home with me was my prize. Great. not being able to go to my sisters house was a bummer. ain't shit i can do though because i dug myself in this hole. i dug my hole FARRRRRRRRRRRRR FAR down.
I'm a nice person but a mean person deep down inside now. my life right now i don't give a fuck who you are and what you do but i will run over you like a bulldozer. i'm quick to mouth off to anyone that pisses me off. That's not always a good thing but my mentality is so fucking what.
I'm sitting here wondering wtf to do. stay quiet and do what i do every single day wake up, go to work, pick up, go home, walk the dogs, sleep. i might just do that and not care about shit anymore. i just dont care...fuck you, fuck whoever else, fuck the world.
p.s. Before getting into a relationship think about what you want in life and if you really need that person in your life forever. Think about 5 years down the road can you see this person with you ? can they handle your personality and how you handle certain situations. Once you get big will they be able to handle that shit? ............................ask fucking questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WunN LuV ...
-Im Dead
I'm at Target today getting shit for the house and food for the needy. I get this call from "the Wife" asking me who i have been texting and talking to. Here we go AGAIN! I told her the truth. Guess what? she didn't believe me. i stay calm and continue on with what i needed to get. called her again asking her what's the deal. she gets on me because i wanted to go to my sisters house but really wanted to go somewhere else. Listen if i tell you im going to my sisters house IM FUCKING GOING.
Didn't go last night though because she wasn't feeling well and i would've been "inconsiderate". Thanks for staying home with me was my prize. Great. not being able to go to my sisters house was a bummer. ain't shit i can do though because i dug myself in this hole. i dug my hole FARRRRRRRRRRRRR FAR down.
I'm a nice person but a mean person deep down inside now. my life right now i don't give a fuck who you are and what you do but i will run over you like a bulldozer. i'm quick to mouth off to anyone that pisses me off. That's not always a good thing but my mentality is so fucking what.
I'm sitting here wondering wtf to do. stay quiet and do what i do every single day wake up, go to work, pick up, go home, walk the dogs, sleep. i might just do that and not care about shit anymore. i just dont care...fuck you, fuck whoever else, fuck the world.
p.s. Before getting into a relationship think about what you want in life and if you really need that person in your life forever. Think about 5 years down the road can you see this person with you ? can they handle your personality and how you handle certain situations. Once you get big will they be able to handle that shit? ............................ask fucking questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WunN LuV ...
-Im Dead
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Tired
MY life has been hell for years.
My whole life it seemed like my father was married to Alcohol instead of my mother. Seemed like my mother was married to denial. My sister and i were trapped in our bodies screaming for help and no one could hear us. up until about a year my parents stuck together, but didn't work on themselves.
Now I'm screaming alone, but no one seems to hear me. I'm in Jersey where life has pasted by me so fast and i didn't even realize. Here i am 23 years old with a "wife" and a step daughter. I work, drive, drink socially, don't smoke, don't do drugs ( i wish i did right now ), unhappy deep inside.
everyday i think about my family and how i wish we all were OK, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Out of sight out of mind they say. wish that was 100% true. My sister goes through hell and back everyday and i wish i could save her but I'm not a super hero with super powers. My dad is drowning in his own bottle of beer wish i could stop and save his life but i can't. my mother is lost like a little girl not knowing which way to go she's at a green light but still sees red wish i could be the car behind her that gives her that push to drive, but i can't.
I'm dying inside and i need help but no one seems to be able to help Jersey. Jersey seems to help everyone else that doesn't appreciate it but never receives it back. I'm TIRED.
I'm tired of being tired.
i'm always told that i "bitch" and complain about everything. once you say that to someone after so long is sticks into their head. when ever you say you always make it about YOU. in reality all im doing is letting someone know how i feel. i haven't talked to anyone in a long time. i stay to myself. i love my job because i get to talk to different people nation wide everyday. it's only job related but i feel good being able to talk. sounds stupid but it's true.
my friends came up from Maryland to see me. i got to go out it was the best thing ever we went out and it reminded me of the old days how we all use to roll. i miss just being "okay". was i ever though? how i feel right now makes me feel like i have been "okay" somewhere at sometime n point in my life. where do i go from here though? how do i fix this feeling?
My whole life it seemed like my father was married to Alcohol instead of my mother. Seemed like my mother was married to denial. My sister and i were trapped in our bodies screaming for help and no one could hear us. up until about a year my parents stuck together, but didn't work on themselves.
Now I'm screaming alone, but no one seems to hear me. I'm in Jersey where life has pasted by me so fast and i didn't even realize. Here i am 23 years old with a "wife" and a step daughter. I work, drive, drink socially, don't smoke, don't do drugs ( i wish i did right now ), unhappy deep inside.
everyday i think about my family and how i wish we all were OK, but sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Out of sight out of mind they say. wish that was 100% true. My sister goes through hell and back everyday and i wish i could save her but I'm not a super hero with super powers. My dad is drowning in his own bottle of beer wish i could stop and save his life but i can't. my mother is lost like a little girl not knowing which way to go she's at a green light but still sees red wish i could be the car behind her that gives her that push to drive, but i can't.
I'm dying inside and i need help but no one seems to be able to help Jersey. Jersey seems to help everyone else that doesn't appreciate it but never receives it back. I'm TIRED.
I'm tired of being tired.
i'm always told that i "bitch" and complain about everything. once you say that to someone after so long is sticks into their head. when ever you say you always make it about YOU. in reality all im doing is letting someone know how i feel. i haven't talked to anyone in a long time. i stay to myself. i love my job because i get to talk to different people nation wide everyday. it's only job related but i feel good being able to talk. sounds stupid but it's true.
my friends came up from Maryland to see me. i got to go out it was the best thing ever we went out and it reminded me of the old days how we all use to roll. i miss just being "okay". was i ever though? how i feel right now makes me feel like i have been "okay" somewhere at sometime n point in my life. where do i go from here though? how do i fix this feeling?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
DIVA weekend
My weekend was great. Friday night I didn't really do anything I cleaned the house because my boys were comin up Saturday from DC.
saturday morning me and the wife went to get my eye brows threaded. we went to Jersey City to buy some shit. After that we went home ate our sandwiches we got at this bangin italian place.
My boys arrive...YESSSS!!! I was searching for a place to go out and came accross....
DIVA LOUNGE, Montclair, NJ
Let me tell you when we arrived there I thought is was going to be ghetto as hell. we got in and it was very classy. I tried to get us a table but all of them were taken. the drinks were official. Dudes were smoken bud in the club I got burned by the guys cigg. Damn that sh!t still hurts. We had a blast...wwwwooooo wwweeee. that was my first time there and it was nice.
now it was time for...
LOOKERS
yes the lovely Lookers (strip club) we get there and only had 15minutes until it was gonna close. met a couple girls said hi then bye and left. wwwwoooo wwwweeee .
now time for...
WHITE CASTLE
yeessss time to eat now the time was 4 - 4:30am. we ordered our booty burgers and went to the house. Damn those sandwiches were so damn good. one of my boyz called em LUNCHABLES lol. he swore we could make those burgers they were so good yo yumm-O. Great night I loved it. I haven't chilled wit my boys in so long it was great seeing them.
I'm not going into details with the night and what happened because it's late and I need to go to sleep. I wanted to share a little bit of my weekend.
goodnight people.
saturday morning me and the wife went to get my eye brows threaded. we went to Jersey City to buy some shit. After that we went home ate our sandwiches we got at this bangin italian place.
My boys arrive...YESSSS!!! I was searching for a place to go out and came accross....
DIVA LOUNGE, Montclair, NJ
Let me tell you when we arrived there I thought is was going to be ghetto as hell. we got in and it was very classy. I tried to get us a table but all of them were taken. the drinks were official. Dudes were smoken bud in the club I got burned by the guys cigg. Damn that sh!t still hurts. We had a blast...wwwwooooo wwweeee. that was my first time there and it was nice.
now it was time for...
LOOKERS
yes the lovely Lookers (strip club) we get there and only had 15minutes until it was gonna close. met a couple girls said hi then bye and left. wwwwoooo wwwweeee .
now time for...
WHITE CASTLE
yeessss time to eat now the time was 4 - 4:30am. we ordered our booty burgers and went to the house. Damn those sandwiches were so damn good. one of my boyz called em LUNCHABLES lol. he swore we could make those burgers they were so good yo yumm-O. Great night I loved it. I haven't chilled wit my boys in so long it was great seeing them.
I'm not going into details with the night and what happened because it's late and I need to go to sleep. I wanted to share a little bit of my weekend.
goodnight people.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
stupid CONNECTICUT BITCH
I had to let this shit out because I'm fuckin mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm at work and a customer called from one of our showrooms. when you make an order with us we charge a 25$ surcharge for every order you place that goes on our truck. She didn't understand why and i explained to her that it says in our book that that's our policy. she thinks i charged her twice for 1 fuckin order because she added something to it. she didn't let me explain there were 2 orders that were on the truck for her and that's why she got hit twice.
BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so she cuts me off and starts to talk to my driver and asks i need to talk to someone nice who do i talk to.. he gave her a name and i said fuck it ill take the charge off for you. With her little sweet and innocent voice " oook thaaaank you ". FUCK YOU you dumb bitch. stay in CONNECTICUT...you guys are losers anyways...shouldn't even be considered apart of the tri-state bitches... you all are like this woman too stingy as hell. stay your ass' there and i hope you get butt fucked hard....dislike you very much
I hate people that wont let me explain and SPEAKKK!!!!!!! goodness I'm fuckin mad inside.. sorry people had to let it out... ill continue you later...I'm still at work...
HOLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm at work and a customer called from one of our showrooms. when you make an order with us we charge a 25$ surcharge for every order you place that goes on our truck. She didn't understand why and i explained to her that it says in our book that that's our policy. she thinks i charged her twice for 1 fuckin order because she added something to it. she didn't let me explain there were 2 orders that were on the truck for her and that's why she got hit twice.
BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so she cuts me off and starts to talk to my driver and asks i need to talk to someone nice who do i talk to.. he gave her a name and i said fuck it ill take the charge off for you. With her little sweet and innocent voice " oook thaaaank you ". FUCK YOU you dumb bitch. stay in CONNECTICUT...you guys are losers anyways...shouldn't even be considered apart of the tri-state bitches... you all are like this woman too stingy as hell. stay your ass' there and i hope you get butt fucked hard....dislike you very much
I hate people that wont let me explain and SPEAKKK!!!!!!! goodness I'm fuckin mad inside.. sorry people had to let it out... ill continue you later...I'm still at work...
HOLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Remy Martin got Jail Time??????
ok what i don't understand is that all these little prissy bitches ( in Cali) and NO I'm not talking about White people. I'm talking about the bitches that suck dick and get away with crime.
Remy got 8 YEARS!!! Shine got 10 YEARS!!! Sean Bell got LIFE!!!
yeah I'm putting all three of these people in the same category because they are minorities and don't deserve this Shit. How is it that a COP wait wait COPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS( police officerSSS) shoot 50 times and were looking to kill...killed an Innocent man get away with Murder???? Stupid fuckin assholes i swear. If i got get away with murder like the cops I'd probably do the same thing. Fuck a cop...not all cops though! i know the good ones that want to be out there because they want to make a difference. Just the dirties of them all.
I love Remy and i will support her 100% and back her up. I'm a huge fan and i don't care what anyone thinks. everyone is entitled to have there own opinion RIGHT??? well here's mine Bitches!
I'm very angry with the government and the top honchos that don't give a fuck about us and just want us to be put away. the law is screwed up and will continue to be fucked up...
WuN
Remy got 8 YEARS!!! Shine got 10 YEARS!!! Sean Bell got LIFE!!!
yeah I'm putting all three of these people in the same category because they are minorities and don't deserve this Shit. How is it that a COP wait wait COPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS( police officerSSS) shoot 50 times and were looking to kill...killed an Innocent man get away with Murder???? Stupid fuckin assholes i swear. If i got get away with murder like the cops I'd probably do the same thing. Fuck a cop...not all cops though! i know the good ones that want to be out there because they want to make a difference. Just the dirties of them all.
I love Remy and i will support her 100% and back her up. I'm a huge fan and i don't care what anyone thinks. everyone is entitled to have there own opinion RIGHT??? well here's mine Bitches!
I'm very angry with the government and the top honchos that don't give a fuck about us and just want us to be put away. the law is screwed up and will continue to be fucked up...
WuN
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